Ah, yes! Waluigi! Everyone’s favorite purple-wearing scalawag. He is a ne’er-do-well of sorts, and a rapscallion to his core. He was invented to be Luigi’s arch-rival, the same way that Wario plays off of Mario. Waluigi first showed up in the year 2000, and in the same way that Luigi is seen as a weirder/taller Mario, Waluigi is also a weirder/taller Wario.
Though he often colludes with the bonafide farting king, Wario, his allegiances lie only to causing chaos and spoiling good times. His appearances are rare, but when he shows up, you know it’s going to be special. Waluigi is the underdog we are all silently rooting for. He is the identifiable “other” to both Luigi and Wario, and honestly, who cannot relate to living in someone’s shadow? Waluigi is us, at our most honest and vulnerable. He is a mirror to which we can all hold up to our own ego and measure it’s worth. But, what is going ON with his body? Right? Have you ever paid close attention to all of the oddities that make up his character model? Wow! There is some real Lovecraftian nonsense going on with Waluigi’s build. It’s almost like he was designed by “the finger” from the opening screen of Super Mario 64, if “the finger” was being controlled by a baby. Below is a list of 25 Ridiculous Things About Waluigi’s Body.
25 His Facial Hair Is Black, But His Head Hair Is Light Brown
Waluigi finally took off his hat to play some tennis in Mario Tennis Aces. As it turns out, Waluigi has light brown hair, but jet-black facial hair. Why?
So many questions, and none of them can be answered because Waluigi would sooner tie us to a railroad track than sit down for a one-on-one interview. Nonetheless, Waluigi’s odd hair continuity is a puzzling reveal indeed.
24 His Nose Is Pink
There are so many weird aspects to Waluigi’s face that it’s very easy to forget he has a giant pink nose. Famously, so does Wario. Is this genetic? What could they possibly be doing that would render their noses as pink as Peach’s dress? Maybe they’re just cold or allergic to Mario.
A lot more questions, yet, we cannot imagine an answer that would not deeply concern us. Also, his nose hangs down like a parrot’s beak: just an observation.
23 His Chin Shape Doesn’t Exists
Waluigi has a chin that is shaped, kind of, like a cup. But, the chin also exists in a three dimensional space that almost looks hollow. From beneath, it has a more cylindrical shape.
Anatomically, it looks like if he opened his mouth wide enough, his chin would pierce through his neck. However, it appears his chin looks different depending on which angle you look at Waluigi. In fact, you could say that his chin has a mind of its own, but that would be nuts, right?
22 The “L” On His Hat Is Upside Down?
If we start at the top and work our way down, then the first odd thing you notice is Waluigi’s hat. At first glance, it might appear that there is nothing out of the ordinary here, but look harder. What is going on with that “L”?
Mario’s hat proudly sports an “M” for M-ario. So, by that standard, Luigi’s hat sports an “L” and Wario’s sports a “W.” Waluigi is the only character in this quadruplet that does not have the first letter of his name on his hat, but rather, an upside down first letter of someone else’s name.
21 He Has The Most Perfectly Manicured Eyebrows
Look at those perfectly manicured eyebrows! Seriously! Where is he getting his eyebrows done? Whoever they are, they are miracle workers. It would be hard to find another person with eyebrows more astonishing than Waluigi’s in reality AND video-game life.
This begs the question, why are they so neatly trimmed and perfectly shaped? What does this say about Waluigi as a person? He obviously cares a great deal for some aspects of his physical appearance, but, why his eyebrows? Is Waluigi trying to break into modeling from only the eyes up?
20 He Is The Tallest Of All The Mario-Like People
Waluigi is the tallest of all the hat-wearing jump-men in the Mushroom Kingdom. It’d be hard to miss this as he towers over everyone else. Again, he is a direct response to Luigi being slightly taller than Mario, and because he and Wario are extremely distorted versions of their heroic alter egos, their height is also wildly distorted.
The YouTube Channel Game Theory clocks Waluigi in at seven-foot, seven-inches tall. That is taller than most people you know, making Waluigi a certifiable monster!
19 His Arms Are Basically Skeletal
Will someone get Waluigi a guest pass to their local gym, please? His arms are like brittle sticks just waiting to split. We all know Waluigi has a lot of fighting to do, but in his current state, he is clearly too frail to even pick up a telephone, let alone call a Gold’s Gym.
It shouldn’t be too hard to get Waluigi in better shape, but he has to put in the reps. We say, make every other day “arm day” so he can spend the rest of his time planning schemes.
18 His Gloves Also Have Letters On Them
Why, Waluigi? Why do your gloves have an “L” on them? Do you wear these so you can remember who you are, like in Memento? Do you wear these because Wario also has gloves with the first letter of his name on them? Do you realize that “L” is still not the first letter of your name? Do you do everything Wario does?
Are those gloves soft? If so, then where did you get them? They look very soft.
17 His Tongue Is Massive And Fills His Whole Mouth
Waluigi’s tongue is massive and completely fills his gigantic mouth. Why is it so large? Is he dehydrated? When someone is dehydrated, their tongue will often expand due to the lack of moisture.
It would make sense that Waluigi would be dehydrated because he plays A LOT of sports. When you’re hitting tennis balls as hard as Waluigi does, you will work up quite a sweat. It would also make sense that he wouldn’t be drinking enough water because bad guys don’t take care of themselves.
16 He Is Wearing Blue Eyeliner
The question here isn’t WHY Waluigi is wearing eyeliner, for crying out loud, it’s 2018, do what you want! The question here is, “Why is Waluigi wearing BLUE eyeliner?”
It doesn’t match anything. His clothes are purple, his boots are orange, his nose is pink, so, why blue? If he’s going to try makeup, he should get some advice. I’m sure Peach or Rosalina would jump at the chance to help, but he has to ask nicely.
15 His Ears Are Elf-Like
Seriously, is Waluigi related to Arwen, the Elven Princess from Lord of the Rings? Does he make cookies in a tree or toys for Santa Claus? Maybe, Waluigi is really from the North Pole, but moonlighting as a Mario villain.
We ask only because his ears are like elf ears: long, pointy, and majestic. They are like ears made to hear the whispers of the wind for miles in every direction. They are all at once beautiful and foolish.
14 His Legs Are Basically Skeletal
Wow! These gams are practical skeletal gams! For someone who runs and kicks as much as Waluigi does, you’d think he would have bigger and more muscular legs. Instead, there’s no tone or definition, he is an egg sitting on toothpicks.
Again, we recommend that Waluigi calls Gold’s Gym immediately. There is no possible way he can support himself much longer on those tiny skin tubes he calls legs! At least Luigi has some meat on his running-buddies.
13 His Phosphorescent White Teeth
Just look at those pearly whites. At first, it’s hard to imagine Waluigi sticking to his dental appointments, but after looking at his shiny white teeth, it’s hard NOT to imagine it. They are just so well kept. Whatever insurance plan Waluigi is on must be all-inclusive because this is truly the work of a master tooth-man.
Again, we are psyched to see that this otherwise goon to the Mushroom Kingdom prioritizes hygiene. His smelly friend Wario certainly does not.
12 His Feet Do That Curly Thing At The Ends
Those are some wild shoes! They look like clogs, but they do that drastic curly thing at the end that makes no practical sense. Waluigi’s pointy dogs DO look very whimsical, but is Waluigi a whimsical guy? We would like to present a theory that his actual feet are curly at the toes, meaning he needs these weird shoes in order to walk comfortably. Sure, this theory has some holes, but prove us wrong Nintendo! Show us those feet!
11 His Run Is Out Of Control
This is not necessarily a Waluigi problem as much as it is a tall-person problem, but his run is regrettably long and ineffective. His gate is enormous, but watch him try and cover ground in Super Mario Party. He makes like zero distance for the amount of flailing it takes.
We can’t all be perfectly-molded running champs like Tom Cruise, but someone should really give Waluigi some pointers. His body cannot feel especially good after all of that effort for such a little reward.
10 His Mustache Is Sharp Like A Knife
The Mario Brothers have powerful mustaches. Even Wario has a lush upper lip coat to fill out his very round face, but Waluigi’s mustache is by far the most villainous.
It is like two long sabers that shoot out of his nose. What kind of gel does Waluigi use to get that kind of razor sharp edge? That’s the kind of mustache that one could clip off and use as a weapon. Move over Link, we’ve got a new Master Sword in Nintendo Village, it’s called Waluigi’s mustache.
9 His Tennis Game Is On Point
Yes, his body is a pile of silliness wrapped in some ill-fitting clothes, however, in some cases, this can actually work in Waluigi’s favor. For instance, his tennis game is INCREDIBLE.
After playing a few matches in Mario Tennis Aces, you will be high-fiving your favorite pink-nosed partner over a piping hot glass of victory. Pay no mind to his awkward form and weird growl as he smashes a tennis ball into next week. Agassi’s got nothing on this guy!
8 His Voice Is A Loud Mess
Waluigi is voiced by the incredibly talented Charles Martinet. Martinet is also the voice of Mario, Luigi, and the smelly Wario. By the time it came to figuring out the voice for Waluigi, Charles Martinet clearly chose an iteration of all three voices that would end up being the literal bane of video game adorers everywhere.
Waluigi is nasally, gritty, and grumbly all at once. He almost makes you look back on the time before voice acting in video games was even possible. It’s a perfect storm of both wickedness AND annoyance.
7 He Is All Knees
Describing someone as being “all knees” or “all elbows” is to say that an individual has distinct and pointed joints that noticeably stick out. Think of Jack Skellington! Waluigi is built like the main character of A Nightmare Before Christmas, but with much less charisma.
His knees cannot be contained within his human body and must be free. They feel the call of the wild, and are practically begging to eject themselves from his legs. That goes for Waluigi’s elbows as well.
6 His Soccer Kicks Are Outlandish
Waluigi has some incredible reach because his wingspan is comparable to that of an albatross. Naturally, he is very good at sports, but playing well and looking good doing it don’t always go together.
Waluigi looks like a glorious goof upon entering the field, but when playing the actual game, he is all limbs. It’s like trying to smack a balloon with a pencil; it’s very effective, but not exactly Sports Illustrated cover material. He might be an asset in Mario Strikers Charged, but his string-bean approach is laughable.
