This The Simpsons review contains spoilers.
The Simpsons Season 31 Episode 16
The Simpsons season 31, episode 16, “Better Off Ned,” tosses off its best premise early. The episode begins with a prank, by Abe Simpson, no less, a man who has a statue in France commemorating his speedy surrender. It ends with a lesson about two prodigal sons.
The set-up to the story is very revealing about Bart’s relationship with Grandpa. The elder Simpson tells better stories when he gets real meds. The younger Simpson actually believes he would receive his father’s father’s most prized possession. But most important of all, that Abe’s snores signal tacit approval to whatever Bart’s scheming.
In this case, Bart capitalizes on Abe’s nap to borrow the dud hand grenade, which brings the episode into fairly dainty country. A full generation has passed since grade-school kids have had school shooting training ingrained in them, and Bart is very close to Trench Coat Mafia territory. He drops the grenade during an assembly on how Springfield Elementary is the most sedentary school in the state. This is not a good thing, even though Ralph cheers it even more as a bad thing. The only kids safe are the ones too obese to fit into the school auditorium. The ones inside have been sitting too long to get to the exits. It is a recipe for a deeper disaster.
It is well-known canon that Principal Skinner was a POW during the Vietnam War, and his first reaction to the crisis makes sense. He pees his pants, which is the event to start the panic. Ned saves the day, throwing himself on the grenade, but the fallout is oddly scattered. Kirk Van Houten, Millhouse’s dad, is subbing as the new school mascot, a vulture who doubles as the mascot for a semi-amateur hockey team. The guy who usually wears it got shingles and this gives The Simpsons a chance to further scar Millhouse, who sought shelter in the back end of the outfit and kept going until you don’t want to know how far. It also reveals that Nelson’s mom and Superintendent Chalmers had a thing going, something the school administrator is willing to pay good money to keep quiet.
The incident ends like the aftermath of a school shooting. There are fire trucks and grieving parents reuniting with their children, crying in the hall. It is a skewered take on the situation, but not twisted enough to mine true subversively comic or satirical value. Rather than being hauled off to some juvenile detention center, the school administrators decide to expel Bart. But Ned, once again steps in, swearing he can change the boy with the three Ps: persistence, prayer and persistent prayer. This hasn’t been tried in public schools since 1962, when the Supreme Court of New York ruled it an unfair mix of church and state.
Religious commentary returns later in the episode when the Christians throw a pride parade. Christians can finally show their faith proudly. One float boasts an “innocent priest,” implying he may be the only one in the town. In the crowd, we can see two signs: “Jews for Jesus” and “Atheists for no one,” reminding the viewers who continually tries to steal Christmas. Vendors sell crowns of thorns made from balloons for the kids. Lisa leafs through an issue of the “Christian Not Science Monitor.” Mayor Quimby officiates because “right wing ding dong‘s will keep him in office forever” for it.
Early in the episode we see, even under threat of death from a pulled hand grenade, Bart will not give in to prayer. But soon he’s singing “Amazing Grace” with an angelic voice only a bone-eared intellectual music connoisseur like Sideshow Mel can trash. Another reveling moment comes when Ned reacts to one of Bart’s pranks by threatening to draw real blood from the boy. This harks back to the time when Ned was diagnosed with emotional suppression, rendering all his most horrific and violent impulses into a litany of oodly-doodlies. Ned’s first lesson comes from Jonah, I think. Rather than give Bart some fish, Ned teaches him to fish for himself. Bart experiences a flush of emotions he likens to a downed power-line at a waterpark, but still spits in his hand before he gives a left-handed handshake to his school-board-appointed mentor.
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The story for “Better Off Ned” was written by Al Jean, the teleplay was written by Joel H. Cohen & Jeff Westbrook, and the episode was directed by Rob Oliver. The episode was dedicated in loving memory to Max Von Sydow
Chalkboard: Bart is at a doctor’s appointment. (Written by Lisa).
The Simpsons episode “Better Off Ned” aired Sunday, March 15, on Fox.
Keep up with The Simpsons Season 31 news and reviews here.
